Back again, as a new day dawns, I still have trouble falling asleep. Can’t remember the last time I had a good night sleep. This cruel thought has been chasing me since the beginning of the new semester.
« Tic-tac … Tic-tac ». The clock is ticking as I’m half asleep, or should I say half awake. I don’t have dreams anymore, only nightmares!
« Tic-tac … Tic-tac ». The clock is still ticking and I’m still lying on my bed. Time is fleeting as each second passing by is a second long gone. It’s time I woke up! I’ve got less than a month to save my 12 years of studies.
It is so harsh how I spent the lion’s share of the past decade locked up in between four white walls that I learned to call a classroom. A cozy cell that is teacher-centered and decorated with what you might call « inspirational quotes », which become, by dint of seeing them on daily basis, as meaningless as every class I took by winter and forgot by summer.
But it is what is, and I am what I am; the sum of twelve years of education. Except that by the end of June, I will not have been the same. Either for better or for worse, only my final grade has the power to decide. As for now, as far as I’m concerned, only ME has the control over my final grade. For that, it is, too, the sum of the hard work I am willing to put in the amount of time remaining.
After putting end to my morning bed thoughts, I finally manage to get rid of the bedcover as both my feet land on the floor. I hear a ‘good morning’ call from the kitchen just as if my mum’s ear were a radar that is specially made to detect every single vibration I cause. I head to the kitchen tout de suite to find the most nutritional and delicious of breakfasts. Only then I realize that, for the following month, I’ll be the center of my mother’s universe.
The look at her face brings about all my good memories back, and in which she has been the only constant variable. I remember her eyes breaking into tears whenever something bad occurs to me. Therefore, I decide to make it all up to her. I want to make her proud, I need to have a good grade for the sake of a delightful grin it will paint on her face.
I get back to my room where I am so likely to spend the majority of this hectic period of preparation, open my books, when all of sudden, all the thoughts of the universe penetrate the door of my mind. « There’s just so much that I owe to this world », I think to myself. <Can’t this earth in which I am stepping be by any chance flat? >. <Why do I even waste my time on studies? Life’s too short, and I’ll die anyway.>…
I enter a rabbit-hole of endless questions, none of which answers would be of any help to my life’s current goal. They’re all just distracting thoughts that I need to get rid of.
I, given the superstitious human being I am, blame these needless thoughts on my room’s aura. A place I use for sleep can’t be the same I use for studies. So, I decide to switch rooms in the hope of shutting my mind and getting it to focus on only one task. As I walk down the corridor, I hear the TV playing in the living room. A few minutes later, I catch myself lying on the sofa trying to trigger a conversation with mum. She doesn’t respond but I don’t mind leading a one-sided conversation. Oh, wait! Why am I watching Sabahiate 2M? And why does it sound so much fun? This ridiculous game has seriously got to stop!!
Today was a wasted day. Was it the case for you, too? It’s fine, we still have 44 days to save to turn things around for good. Overthinking only leads to more confusion and negative thoughts. Let’s get rid of it and take action instead.
Oh, and one more thing, may the odds be in our favor.