« Coffee »
December 25th, 2022
It’s a little past 9 PM when he finally finds his way to the subway station. Earphones on and listening to music, his bag is loosely hanging on his shoulder indicating how tired he is. He doesn’t even mind adjusting it. A familiar guitar tune starts playing, a song he hasn’t listened to since he was a teenager obsessed with bands. It’s the “Six Degrees Of Separation” by The Script.
The bags under his eyes more prominent than ever and his figure hung over, all he’s really thinking about is going to bed and forgetting about everything.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
what’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third is when your world splits down the middle
The subway station is deserted, given the fact that it just stopped raining about half an hour ago. There’s a noticeable chill in the air considering it’s the beginning of December. He draws in a deep breath of the earthy scent of rain.
On the left side of the station a woman is sitting on a bench reading a newspaper, her little puppy loosely playing by her side. A teenager is standing across from her, busy typing on her phone.
He makes his way to the ticket machine, digging deep into his pockets to find whatever change is left from his ride this morning. He inserts the coins one by one, their clatter echoing through silence of the station. He fishes the ticket out and heads for a seat.
He shouldn’t stay out this late and he knows it. But lately all he finds solace in is the busy library by his college. Avoiding as much as he can the little café he discovered a little over a three years ago.
He never had it easy; he’s always been a hard worker. It’s his last year at college as a creative writing major. Always working past 16 hours a day; juggling between school, working on his writings and taking extra shifts at a bookstore to pay the bills, he didn’t have much free time on his hands.
He thinks back on how far he’s come. How little is left and he’ll get to what he wants, coming from an abusive “home” that offered him nothing but pain and fear.
He recalls the bad upbringing he’s had whenever life gets darker, like tonight for example. Deep down everything he’s been through made him a small little child who never really grew up, who still has nightmares at night and can’t escape his past.
And she’s not here anymore to chase away the nightmares.
Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
It’s not that he doesn’t want to see her. He just can’t stand the idea of being around her and not being able to be the same person she used to know. He doesn’t want for them to notice how different each one is to the other since… well since the breakup. He’s been avoiding every place they might accidently meet in. But most importantly, he won’t stand the idea of her being someone else’s person now, let alone seeing her with them.
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little
His takes a deep breath; letting the cold air clean the lungs he burned by smoking packs of cigarettes ever since they’ve called it quits. His chest feeling too tight and his eyes clouded with sadness, he stops the music before he starts shouting how painful it is, how every breath he takes is like a dagger going straight to his heart.
The truth is, he realizes now that he gave his heart about a year ago and he won’t ever get it back. He doesn’t want it back. He belongs to her; he can’t and doesn’t want to belong to someone else.
How can you belong to someone else ever again when every time you see, meet or cross someone on the street you compare them to that person in your mind?
You’re only doing things out of desperation
He looks up to the sky, and remembers what she used to tell him about rain. Every time they’re together and he makes a remark on how hard it’s raining, she says “Good, it means the sky has a heavy heart today and needs to cry”.
She was right, it was always beautiful after it rained and he always wanted to prove her wrong. He even practiced his winning face in front of the mirror many times. But he loved how she used to look at him with big eyes and a smile so wide it showed her back teeth, saying “see? I told you!”
There’s no starting over now
Without finding closure
You’d take them back, no hesitation
That’s when you know you’ve reached the sixth degree of separation
How can you fall in love with someone new when you’re already madly in love with someone else?
You’re going through six degrees of separation